Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize