I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize