biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you will always have a special place in my vag
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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