I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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