Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
