go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize