Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
