I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
