Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize