I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
