so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
