none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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