Jerry, you need to find god
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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