Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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