you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
