So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize