Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
do herpes really smell.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
