I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i think i have two assholes
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
