brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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