and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
