She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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