I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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