Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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