Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
