Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
