I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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