I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
