Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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