You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
