hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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