All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
