we're blogging at a bar
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize