i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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