She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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