I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
