After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
