trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
