I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I pour the whiskey from now on
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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