So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
