Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
