sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
