were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize