At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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