I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
