If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
