I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
