oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
