omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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