Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
