just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
