Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
