I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need to calm my uterus...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
