my sisters under your porch take her home
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im holly from the hills drunk
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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