So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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