He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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