she was so not down for the gang bang
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
