evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
