i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
