I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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