We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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