Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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