apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
