TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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