hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My liver just broke up with me...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize