i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
