It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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