You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
