Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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