return my video game
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
